ENTERTAINMENT NEWS
September 11, 2004
Lemony Snicket, author
Lemony Snicket tells the terrible truth to our TFK Reporter
 Daniel Handler, also known as Lemony Snicket |
Stop reading this instant! Otherwise, you might learn about Lemony Snicket, the author of A Series of Unfortunate Events. The Grim Grotto (Harper Collins), the 11th book in the Unfortunate Events series, goes on sale September 21. Snicket says he hopes no one will read the book or 'learn any of the secrets the book contains.'
Snicket, also known as Daniel Handler, chronicles the lives of the Baudelaire orphans, Violet, Klaus and Sunny. It is his dreadful duty to tell of their quest to escape their crooked uncle, Count Olaf. But Snicket advises readers to feel free to read something pleasant--if they prefer that sort of thing.
Read TFK's interview with Snicket if you dare, but don't say we didn't warn you!
 |  The author of A Series of Unfortunate Events plays accordion on a beach. |
Lemony Snicket: The story of the Baudelaire orphans inspired me to write the Series of Unfortunate Events. The general public didn’t seem to be aware of all of the terrible things that had befallen them, so it seemed like a good thing to do for people who are interested in such dreadful goings on.
TFK: What do you do when you are not chronicling the unfortunate lives of the three Baudelaire children?
Lemony Snicket: Covering my tracks and erasing all evidence that I have been visiting places where the Baudelaire orphans have been.
TFK: Is somebody following you?
Lemony Snicket: As far as I know, no one is following me because I’ve managed to cover my tracks.
TFK: Do you know who it is?
Lemony Snicket: If I were to list all the people who aren’t following me there would be scarcely any room in this interview for anything else.
TFK: What were your favorite books as a child?
Lemony Snicket: My absolute favorite book is called The Bears’ Famous Invasion of Sicily. I liked that it tells a story of noble people trying to retain their nobility in the face of corruption. Actually, I guess I shouldn’t say people. I should say individuals, being as they’re bears. Also, it contains a sea serpent, which always makes a story more interesting.
TFK: Did you have a miserable childhood?
Lemony Snicket: Well, miserable is a comparative term. Certainly compared to the Baudelaire orphans, I did not have a miserable childhood. But compared to some spoiled child who I’m sure we’ve all met before, yes I had a miserable childhood.
TFK: Who did you look up to when you were a child?
Lemony Snicket: Nearly everyone. I was fairly short, as some children are.
TFK: Was there someone who inspired you when you were younger?
Lemony Snicket: I was inspired by all people who remained kind while the world became wicked. I still find those people inspiring, though there seem to be fewer of them.
TFK: Could you give TFK readers some clues about what will happen to the orphans in The Grim Grotto?
Lemony Snicket: The Grim Grotto takes place largely underwater, which is a dangerous place to encounter a deadly disease because there are few places to hide. Also, children who are wondering if any of Olaf’s henchmen have siblings might find their question answered.
TFK: Who is Beatrice? Can you give TFK readers any clues?
Lemony Snicket: Beatrice is the woman to whom all of my books are dedicated. She is no longer alive. It is said that you shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, but in my experience Beatrice was such a wonderful person that I couldn’t speak ill of her and speak the truth.
TFK: Will we learn who Beatrice is in The Grim Grotto?
Lemony Snicket: Well, I hope that no one reads The Grim Grotto, so I hope that no one will learn any of the secrets the book contains.
TFK: Will we learn who Beatrice is by the 13th book?
Lemony Snicket: I think that by the 13th book all readers will be so thoroughly horrified and exhausted that it will not sell a single copy.
TFK: Why do you think your readers refuse to heed your advice and stay far away from these books?
Lemony Snicket: I would guess that readers pick up my books largely accidentally. Then they simply look on in shear horror the way you can’t help but stare at a dead crab on the beach or a horrific car accident that happens on the side of the road.
TFK: Do you have any advice for the kids who will not give up in the hope that the Baudelaire children will one day live happy, Olaf-free lives?
Lemony Snicket: I’m not in the business of dashing people’s hopes. If there are children who are foolish enough, despite my warnings, to think that the Baudelaires will lead happy lives, then I certainly don’t wish to disabuse them of this notion.
TFK: Will you ever write a book with a happy beginning, happy things in the middle and a happy ending?
Lemony Snicket: The books that I write tell stories that are true as far as I know. If I encounter a story that has a happy ending, I will certainly write it down.
TFK: The orphans lead such miserable lives. Why do you continue to write about them? What keeps you going?
Lemony Snicket: What keeps me going is my solemn vow that I would make these stories available to the general public. Sometimes it’s difficult to rouse myself from weeping in order to continue this quest, but I remind myself of this vow.
TFK: What is the most dangerous situation that you’ve ever faced while reporting on the lives of the Baudelaire children?
Lemony Snicket: It’s difficult to grade all of my experiences in terms of danger. But recently I was offered some tiramisu and that was certainly a close call.
TFK: Some might call you evil for writing down these ghastly tales. What is your response to that?
Lemony Snicket: Many people have called me many, many adjectives. Some of these adjectives are true and some are false and I do not have time to respond to all of my bitter accusers.
TFK: Have you begun writing the 12th book? Can you share any clues as to what that book will be about?
Lemony Snicket: Oh my, yes. Young readers who are fans of Herman Melville’s The Confidence Man, in which one can scarcely tell the characters apart let alone what they are doing, might be excited by the 12th volume.
TFK: Will you continue to write about the Baudelaire children even after the 13th book?
Lemony Snicket: My early research indicates that the 13th book is the end of the Baudelaire children’s tale, but I could not possibly comment on that until my research is complete.
TFK: A new movie based on the first three books in the Series of Unfortunate Events will be coming out this Christmas. How do you feel about that?
Lemony Snicket: I’m torn because, on one hand, a movie only lasts about two hours, which is shorter than the experience of reading all three of those books. On the other hand, people always say that the movie is worse than the book, but these books are so utterly miserable that I cannot imagine a movie that is worse.
TFK: Have you been involved in the making of the movie?
Lemony Snicket: I visited the set a few times. The entire crew in the film is usually hugging each other and sobbing. The actors stare at the floor in shame.
TFK: What is the worst part of your job?
Lemony Snicket: Trying to get good coffee in unpleasant towns.
TFK: What do you like best about your job?
Lemony Snicket: I very much like blank paper because it poses something of a challenge. I also recommend to my readers that they pick up blank paper and put that in front of their eyes rather than anything I might write down.
TFK: Is there one question that kids ask you a lot?
Lemony Snicket: I don’t hear many questions. I mostly hear a great deal of concern not only for the Baudelaire children and what they are going through, but for themselves for accidentally becoming addicted to gruesome stories.
TFK: Is there a question that I didn’t ask you that you wished I had?
Lemony Snicket: I’m always waiting for someone to ask, 'What is your favorite story by H.H. Monroe?'
TFK: What is your favorite story by H.H. Monroe?
Lemony Snicket: No, no. I’m only going to answer that question when it’s asked voluntarily, not by force.
TFK: Do you have any parting words to your readers?
Lemony Snicket: Look out for open manholes.
TFK: Do you have any advice to aspiring writers?
Lemony Snicket: The short answer is 'Look out for open manholes.' But the long answer would be, 'Always have an excuse prepared when you are caught eavesdropping.'
